


Lost Things

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Emotional Sex, F/M, Female Kylo Ren, Gender or Sex Swap, Genderbending, Genderswap, Implied/Referenced Torture, Oral Sex, Porn with Feelings, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 11:13:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18991522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Sometimes they can come back in ways you don’t expect.





	Lost Things

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Genderswap
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

She should have won. She knows it. She’s the Supreme Leader now, she’s free from Snoke, and yet she feels like she’s lost everything.   
  
It’s not the scavenger. It’s something that really is just a small piece of the puzzle, she can’t help but think. There’s her father, there’s Poe —  
  
Poe. Even thinking about it makes her heart abruptly skip a beat. She can barely bear thinking about him, what she’s done to him. But she can remember the mask she wore. How she burrowed into his —  
  
He should mean nothing to her. But he means everything, more than Kira Ren can possibly let him know.   
  
***  
  
It’s a year later that she meets Poe, outside the battlefield of a swampy planet. He’s snuck out to meet her; Kira Ren can’t say she knows what to think of that.   
  
“So you killed Snoke,” Poe says. “Rey told me. Somehow...I always had a feeling you would.” He doesn’t sound happy, though; instead, he sounds, somehow, like she disappointed him. It’s easy for him to say, she thinks in resentment. He wasn’t there. He didn’t have to endure Snoke.   
  
But it was for the best, wasn’t it? Leaving Poe behind. Because she knew, somehow, that taking him with her would ultimately destroy them both. Poe had to stay behind and look after the Republic and never the twain would meet.   
  
Except that she had tortured him. Hurt him. So much for trying to protect him, she thinks.   
  
“I did,” she says. “I don’t regret it. I just wish it was more painful.”  
  
Poe winces. “That bad?”  
  
Silence. How can she even begin to explain what Snoke had done to her?  
  
“You know what kept me going?” she says. “The idea that I would kill him. Slowly and painfully. I kept it a secret long enough. There are...techniques, Poe. Techniques that shield the mind against being read.” She pauses. Somehow, Poe had been taught some of those techniques, but they hadn’t been enough.   
  
“Could have used some of those,” Poe says, acerbically.   
  
It’s her turn to wince. She wonders how much of it shows; both Snoke and Luke had said in the past that she was too emotional, that she wore her heart on her sleeve. “It gave me no pleasure,” she says. “Really."  
  
“You know what the worst part about it is?” Poe says. “That I can’t hate you, even after a year. It would be...so much easier if I could hate you, Breha. It would be better that way.”  
  
“I know.” She seems to be part of a short line of women who’ve hurt him, or humiliated him and put him down. “Why can’t you hate me?”  
  
“I can’t help but think of how much better you used to be.”  
  
Kira shakes her head. “You know you’re wrong, Poe. That better part of me never existed.”  
  
“I don’t believe that.”  
  
“You always wanted to see the good in people,” Kira says. “But there’s none in me.” A beat. “For the Force’s sake, give up this mission, Poe. Go home.”  
  
“I’ve never been good at giving up.”  
  
“Then do it just this once.”  
  
A beat. She can, without even trying, feel Poe’s thoughts, his emotions. Somehow, after all this time, he loves her.   
  
“After all this time?” she says.   
  
“Completely.”   
  
He doesn’t have the right. She needs to run — run as far away as she can from his presence, from every memory of him. She’s got to. She can remember the lost little girl, Breha Solo, who he took pity on when they were both younglings. How they played together in Yavin’s jungle, pretending to be whatever they wanted: Revan and Bastila, Jyn and Cassian, Shara and Kes...and she wonders if deep in her heart, she wanted it all to be a reality as she got older. She can remember being eighteen, and going swimming with Poe for the first time in a while, and realizing that Poe was a man now — and the strange stirrings and fantasies that plagued her from there. It was unsettling then, realizing Poe was a grown, beautiful man who could have anyone he wanted, and it’s unsettling now.   
  
She’s thirty now, he’s thirty-three, and she feels like just a very tall version of that lost girl trying to come to terms with her feelings. An eighteen year old in a thirty year old’s body.   
  
“Breha,” he says. And his voice is nothing and everything all at once.   
  
“You shouldn’t,” she says, and her voice cracks.   
  
“I do. I love you, Breha. Whether you’re Kira or not, I love you. And I know there’s still a part of you that believes there’s still beauty in this galaxy. Someone who believes in at least something. Anything at all.”  
  
“I’m not...”   
  
And yet in some ways, she is.   
  
“You don’t have to feel the same way for me,” Poe says. "I just thought you had to know.”  
  
“I do. Feel the same.”  
  
She’s close to Poe. She knows that much. She can notice the little details, like scars from the interrogation room that haven’t quite healed. She didn’t beat him. She didn’t scar him.   
  
But she let it happen.   
  
She brushes her lips against the scar near his lip, and Poe welcomes it, allowing her to kiss him properly, their lips meeting deeper. And when Poe opens his mouth into the kiss, she does too without so much as thinking about it.   
  
It feels natural. The most natural thing to do.   
  
His fingers run through her curly black hair, feeling it between his fingers. When his hands fall from her hair and they break the kiss, already, Kira doesn’t doubt that she feels elated, gasping, and wanting more.   
  
“Breha,” Poe says. “May I...”  
  
“Anything you want.” She owes him that much. And she wants him. He’s a good man.   
  
Removing their armor and clothing — it’s fortunate that Hux isn’t here, Kira thinks. The last thing she needs, after all, is Hux taking advantage of the situation. She’s seen Poe shirtless before (and quite liked what she saw, admired it) but he hasn’t seen her without clothing before. His eyes roam over her body with amazement, and...she knows she’s not beautiful, not even pretty, but she certainly feels it when Poe looks at her like that.   
  
By the stars, she doesn’t want him to stop looking at her like that.   
  
“I don’t know where to start,” Poe says.   
  
“I don’t either.”   
  
And Kira can’t help but almost want to laugh. Mostly at the situation.   
  
“We can improvise.”  
  
That they do, now that she thinks about it. Even amidst trying to learn Poe’s body, she can’t help but feel a sort of fascination as her lips ghost over nipples and scars and the softness on his belly. She memorized the sounds that escape Poe’s lips, the sounds of gasps and murmurs and moans that she wishes that she could draw out more. More, yes, more, and just for a change, it’s not out of a place of hate.   
  
Poe kisses her breasts, the expanse of her belly, before looking at her. He wants to know if she’s okay with this, and she says, “I am. Please.”  
  
She parts her legs, and Poe delves between them, and the feeling of his mouth there feels good, managing to make her bite her lip just to avoid being heard. That’s the thing, anyone could hear them. But she manages to pet Poe’s dark curls even as he pleasures her, letting him know that his attentions are, stars, more than welcome.   
  
Her legs tremble even as she comes, and she has to keep them parted even as pleasure sweeps through her. This time, she can’t hold back her gasps and moans, and eventually the orgasm fades, faint tremors that remind her that they’re not quite done.   
  
It’s with her permission that Poe enters her, and Kira bites her lip again; she’s never been so full of something in her life. Poe pauses, seeming ready to pull out in that moment. “Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?”  
  
“I’m all right. I just never...did this before.”  
  
“Tell me when you need to stop.”  
  
Kira knows full well that it’s more than she deserves. She doesn’t deserve a man so beautiful. So caring and loving and kind. Who’s looking at her like she’s the most beautiful thing he’s seen in his life — and she never, ever wants him to stop looking at her Iike that.   
  
“I will,” she says, and they resume. Kira strokes herself even as Poe thrusts in, even as he fills her up. There’s a look of almost dazed pleasure in his eyes and for a moment, Kira can see it how he sees it — it’s warm and wet and tight and practically a relief for his shaft.   
  
They both come, Kira feeling it more in her body, feeling Poe’s more in the hot spurts that seem to go on a while...and when he withdraws, pulling her gently against him and kissing her hair, Kira can feel it faintly trickling down her legs.   
  
“Would you come home with me?” Poe is half-dazed even as he murmurs those words.   
  
“When I’m ready.”  
  
And Kira knows that much is true.


End file.
